We Must Never Let Anything Ever Come Between Us

WHEN I WAS A GIRL
I NEVER FIT IN
MY HAIR DIDN’T CURL
IT WAS STRAIGHT AS STICK (IT WAS STRAIGHT AS A PIN)

MY GRADES WEREN’T GOOD
I ALWAYS GOT D’S
SO EVERY NIGHT I’D PRAY AND FALL TO MY KNEES

I SAID, “FATHER IN HEAVEN (AMEN)
I’M SO UGLY AND DUMB (AMEN)
GREW BOOBIES AT SEVEN
I STILL SUCK MY FINGERS (WE THINK SHE MEANS THUMB)

I GOT HAIR ON MY FACE
WILL I EVER HAVE FUN?”
HIS ANSWER CAME BACK LOUD AND CLEAR
HE SAID, “NONE.”

(NONE, NONE, NONE – THE FATHER SAID NONE)
(THAT’S WHAT HE SAID WHEN I CRIED IN MY BED, HE SAID, “NONE”)

THEN I RAN AWAY,
HAD TO SLEEP ON THE STREET
I WAS TOO COLD TO PRAY
ON MY FROSTBITTEN TOES

I’M SICK WITH A FEVER
BURNING UP LIKE A COMET
UNTIL SISTER ANN APPEARED AND WIPED UP MY VOMIT

I SAID THANK YOU, DEAR FATHER
FOR SENDING ME ANN
DON’T KNOW WHY YOU SHOULD BOTHER
WITH THE MESS THAT I AM

SHE TOOK ME TO HER CONVENT
SAID, YOU’RE LIFE’S JUST BEGUN
WE WILL BE A FAMILY AND YOU BE A POSTULANT NUN

WHAT? (N..N…)
NOVICE?
(RHYMES WITH GUN)
A NUN!
I WAS SAFE FROM DESPAIR AND MY HORRIBLE HAIR AS A NUN

ONE DAY AS CHRIST’S BRIDE
WHEN I WALKED THROUGH THE CLOISTERS
I HEARD SISTER ANN DIED
FROM EATING BAD CLAMS (OYSTERS)

NO, I’M SORRY, IT WAS CLAMS
I DON’T GIVE A DAMN WHAT IT WAS, THIS IS A SONG
FORGIVE HIM, JESUS

SISTER ANN WAS SO YOUNG
AND HER FOLKS WERE SO BLUE
SO I LED THEM IN PRAYER
AND I KNEW THERE AND THEN (THEN AND THERE)
WHATEVER, WHAT I NEEDED TO DO

I SAID, THANK YOU DEAR FATHER
MY MISSION IS CLEAR
WHEN A LOVED ONE IS GONE
I’LL HELP FAMILIES GO ON

NOW I KNOW WHY I’M HERE
STILL NOBODY WANTS ME,
SO I’M BACK TO SQUARE ONE

AS A COUNSELOR OF GRIEF
CAN I OFFER RELIEF?
AND THE FATHER SAID, SOME

(SOME, SOME, SOME, THAT’S ALL HE COULD SAY, SOME)

WELL YOU KNOW WHAT, THAT’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH, MISTER
(DON’T PUSH IT, SISTER. SOME IS BETTER THAN NONE)

NUN, NUN, NUN – WELL AT LEAST I’M A NUN
I WON’T GO TO HELL AND AT LAST I CAN SPELL
I’M AN N-U-N. I’M A NUN. THANK YOU, JESUS.